This comment totally made my day.
I’m one of those stilleto clad gals prancing up Queen Street like there’s no tomorow. Life is too short to wear ugly shoes. Flats are for quiters. Go take your sneakers and shove them up your ass. Chur bro.
Second day of the second week back. There’s already so many things I need to do. I know that is what a graphic designer does, but when it comes to projects I would rather give 150% on one project rather than half ass the every single one of them (and get a shitty grade).
Today I came to the decision if I fail this year I will try again.
weather or not i’ll continue at AUT is a different decision. I did my research on some of the other universities. Whitecliffe is just simply too far away and Massey requires 4 years for their degree. Is it really worth transferring out? Probably not. So for now I’ll just stay put. No big deal. It really sucks how AUT’s system works. But it was my own fault for not working harder when I was on deaths door. Fraking education system. Oh well. Even though I’m most likely going to fail the first year, I’m going to apply for advertising school regardless. I just want to know if I’m cut out for it or not. Anyone can apply from comunications/graphic design. But they only allow 12 spots. I might as well try out, I’ve got nothing to loose. It might just be the confidence boost need.
At the moment I’m sick of trying to persure my passion but failing. I was so sure that design was what I was built for. I’m not good at anything else. But at AUT they cut you down to size. They make you believe you have absolutely no skill. I’m sick of being stuck in a classroom. I want to get out there and earn some real money and get experience. But who is going to hire me if I haven’t been to university? or how bad am I going to look if I said I went to AUT and dropped out? I’d look like a quitter. That’s what. Nobody wants to employ a quitter. The only problem is I would have spend 5 years fucking around trying to get a degree. I know I’m a procrastinator, But I don’t want to be 23 by the time I can actually start paying off my monster of a student loan/moving out of home to escape my lunatic mother.
I wanted to study graphic design because I loved it. Now all I do is bitch about how it makes me depressed. Everyday I hear people complain about how much they hate their degrees. It makes me think do I really want to get into this industry? AUT is the best design school in New Zealand. Maybe it’s just the wake up call I needed. Perhaps I was just being delusional to think I could make a career out of what I believed was fun. University isn’t all making people feel like crap though. I’ve learnt a lot. University opens peoples minds and makes them think differently. It introduces you to things you’ve never even considered before. Things you take for granted or things you never have noticed suddenly gain a meaning. All that cliche corny shit. As per usual I’m not making any sence.
I swear I’ll write about something non-ragey next time.
Design is ruining my life.
The leading in this layout piss me off to no end.
It had to be said.
If you are my friend on facebook, you’ll know how stoked I was again for uni to start again. I’ve been sick of being at AUT for so long. This morning I would have rather nailed my tounge to a wall than go to my classes and lectures. However, when I got there I had been accepted into all of the semester 2 papers. Very surprising, considering I pretty much failed last semester because of my downtime. Instead of completely bailing, I found out I missed out on an A because of the marking schedule. This isnt the first time it’s happens to someone. This afternoon on facebook one of our classmates (who dropped out) had been contacted by AUT to tell her that she hadn’t actually failed a paper. In other words, She left AUT because of someone else’s mistake. I can see a pattern starting to form with them.
But here’s what made my day:
A bold journal. Lovely tonal studies. Splendid showing of skilled tonal drawing. Lovely pencil studies using a vibrant pallet. Nina, You have a very fine eye for drawing, a confident and polished start to this module
This is the nicest thing any tutor has said to me since I started at AUT. Although its only a B, it gives me strength to continue and keep fighting.
You’re not rid of me yet, AUT.
It’s 11:27pm. I’m shattered. I’ve been at work all weekend. I want to go to bed. But I’m stuck here doing tabulated layouts for an article on the progression of neuroscience. After all this work, none of these advances will save my brain from turning into sludge.
Okay, so, any of you that know me outside of tumblr, you would know that I cannot survive without the internet. At 11 am this morning, Our internet went down. This is the first time I’ve been online since. I was completely alone. Both of my parents were at work and my only cellphone had died. In the middle of a storm, that is freaking scary. I couldn’t even contact Chris. I was forced into dealing with one of my fears. Being completely alone and out of contact.
I consider myself a loner. I don’t normally like to go out at night and I’m not particularly good at making new friends or meeting new people. I’m just not as social as I was in high school. I don’t have tolerance for idiots and people I don’t agree with. I think it’s a design thing… We are very direct people. Most of the time.
After my internet ‘detox’, I’ve realised that I’m not as antisocial as I thought I was. I only realised how much I needed human communication when I realised I couldn’t call or even text. I have a new appreciation for texting, as much as I hate doing it.
During my solitude I worked on my assignment which lead me to think about the practicality of staying in AUT. I thought about perhaps changing my degree to perhaps business or management. I’m not saying I would ditch the creative industry all together, But I would love to one day run my own firm and provide jobs for my talented friends before other firms snap them up and suck up their souls. Business has always been in the family, But whenever I talk to dad about it he always says ‘Only suckers go into business. It’s better to just work for someone else in the long run’. I’m sure taking a business degree would be a walk in the park in comparisson to graphic design… Or maybe I’m just being arrogant.
The problem with taking a degree in graphic design is the subjective nature. It’s structured for academic subjects like science and math. For students like me, I feel the pressure to perform at the highest level at every cost which causes high anxiety and stress. And because I suffer from the high anxiety and stress… My work isn’t the best quality. And don’t get me started on the totally unrealistic deadlines. 6 weeks? for a logo? I thought it was a stereotype of university. But no, that was the first assignment of the year.
But if I do fail this year, Which I probably will, I have five options:
- Go back to Natcoll to either do web, interactive or DMA.
- Go to MDS
- Take a degree in business & management
- Repeat the whole year again.
- Get a job. Shiiiit.
At this point in time I feel like I’m going to be stuck in university or institute forever. It was always my dream to go to university, but now I’m here, I hate it. It’s not that I’m not smart or untalented. Just this way of learning isn’t for me. I want a job, but I don’t want the responsibility of having a job just yet. I don’t want to be tied to Auckland. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing…
I’m just glad I have a stable internet connection again.
- Art history design poster / Art Nouveau
- Art history design poster / Psychedelia
- Visit the library
- 100 Photographs / Light
- 100 Photographs / Composition
- 100 Photographs / Experimental
- 100 Photographs / Fashion
- Design & Bind Photography Book
- Design Theory / Part 1
- Design Theory / Part 2
- Design Theory / Part 3
- Design Theory / Tabulation
- Design Theory / Magazine
- Design Theory / Scientific
- Play restaurant city on facebook.
I found this great article at wired.com this morning about dealing with stress - using science. Its a great read, I would recommend it to anyone who is interested in social science or is just feeling a little bit stressed. Reducing stress is easier said than done most of the time, but it’s the small things that contribute to the bigger picture.
Going off to university for the first time is a daunting time (at least for myself), I’ve never had to branch out and work hard to make friendships because I went to the same schools in the same area for my whole life. The culture shock of knowing nobody is frightening to say the least. For once I know absolutely nobody in my year group. But I’m not going to let myself be defeated. This morning I had a serious think of quitting AUT and transferring to Massey. If I’m going to suck at something, I might as well suck a little closer to home. I was asked to do a honours degree in 2008 at Massey, but I declined after I was 2 NCEA credits short (Sucks huh? But I became a better person for it). As a creative person, I suffer from huge anxiety about what I do. Having my work marked really takes a toll on my stress level. But I’m going to try my hardest to reduce the stress in my life. I managed to identify my own contributors to stress as well as other students.
I’m determined to make it through this year and make myself a better person & designer. I won’t let some a few crappy grades destroy my dream.
Photo is from arriana.tumblr.com